ALTER IDEM

Unfortunate times, people! So unfortunate that I have started watching TV for some time every day - changing channels every few minutes, actually! The anchor, in heavily anglicized Kannada was raving about the latest Kannada song to go viral....about how people across age groups were uploading their versions of the hero's dance steps on social media. She referred to the song as the Kharaabu song. You know, Sri.U.R.Ananthamurthy had once jokingly remarked that by adding 'u' (as in 'put'), you could convert a word from any other language into a Kannada word! Kharaabu is therefore the Kannada equivalent of the Hindi Kharaab ! I'm not sure if it was intentional, but everything about the rather tuneless song seemed unbelievably Kharaabu - from incomprehensible lyrics to dancing by unkempt looking characters. And the way they were treating the lone female in the sequence was unacceptably Kharaabu ! Reminding myself that it wasn't fair to judge a song ...

These are turbulent times - easily, the worst in my over two score years of existence. There is impatience, unrest, vehement pro/ anti news & views - here, there and everywhere! Often, I have wished that I could live far away from all of this - somewhere in a cave under the deepest sea! On second thoughts, I could settle for transforming myself into a child again!  Thoughts that came to me yesterday when I passed by these children on my way elsewhere... Schools in Karnataka were shut yesterday - for Kanaka Jayanti . These kids had spent their morning making a small cart of sorts, using old bicycle tyres and sticks. They were on their way to the periphery of the forest nearby to collect firewood. When I caught them, they were thoroughly enjoying the tough time the calf tied to the yoke was giving them! It was quite obvious that he was in no mood to pull a cart on a  sunny afternoon.  After appreciating their cart and exchanging a few pleasantries, I waved m...

Like every year , it was a cold, rainy Independence Day morning here. Like every year, at 8.00 a.m., I heard the drums and the other instruments of at least three school bands. Like every year, it was my cue to take my position by the gate. Like every year, I watched as the school kids and the teachers passed by - braving the rain and the puddles, walking in step, shouting patriotic slogans - the drummers and the trumpeters playing something random and ubiquitous! Like every year, after they were gone, I turned indoors with one picture of the receding parade. Like every year, I stepped into my home feeling an inexplicable cheer - for, THIS, more than the speeches, the messages, the renditions of patriotic songs,... keeps my patriotic spirits high on August 15th!!    

Necessity is  the mother of invention. And, getting the desired result from available resources is jugaaD .  I had come across the word jugaaD for the first time when I heard this song by Kailash Kher. Quite a catchy number - especially, the ' karle jugaaD karle, karle koi jugaaD ' bit........ And, it was the first word that came to my mind when I saw this all-weather volleyball/ badminton net at a rubber plantation quite  recently. When I expressed my admiration, the lady with me explained that it was her husband's idea and workmanship.  Well.... a real net is a luxury that a farmer of limited means cannot afford. This net is the result of a cash-strapped grandfather's desire to add a dash of professionalism to the games played by his grand children..... Only a true sports enthusiast can have the determination and patience to carry out such ideas! The entire net is made up of stiff, sturdy nylon cord - the kind that's used to fasten heavy...

God looks like how the artist wants him to look.......  And, God knows when his sculptors decided to make him from bricks and cement ! Masonry, plastering, painting,...... lots of people and co-ordination involved in making these brick-and-cement sculptures, you know. I won't call myself a fan - but, usually, I stop to stare at these sculptures. Don't ask me 'Why?', but, I like to check out their facial expressions!  Almost always, the Gods are youthful, good-looking, and have serene/ smiling faces. Quite recently, I came across a sculpture where God looked quite unhappy and bad....... I'm sure, you'll agree with me! Unfortunately, everything that can go wrong in a brick-and-cement sculpture seems to have gone wrong with this one! First of all, it is quite disproportionate.  The half-moon, that one is so used to seeing on Shiva's tresses, is missing. Poor River Ganga looks more like an antler! And, look at that  anklet (on one foot only)! Way abo...

This is the profile picture of the neighbourhood stray. Actually, from the amount of time he spends in our yard, you could call him ours! To date, he has not asked for/ stolen from our kitchen and I have never offered him food/drink. But, I have given him a name..... the most unimaginative 'TOM'. As usual, one morning last week, I heard some neighbours yelling 'shoos' and kids hollering out exaggerated 'miaows'.......and, I knew.... Tom would now come to his safest haven - our yard! On a sudden whim, I decided to  keep track of the time he spent here.....  I first found Tom at around 9.30 a.m- comfortably settled under the Allamanda shrubs. Some time later, he was eating  what I call 'Animal-grass'...... You know, dogs and cats eat this particular grass when they have indigestion..... self-medication! Since I have caught Tom eating Animal-grass quite often, I'm inclined to believe that he gets a tummy-ache regularly! A...

Some months ago, I had introduced you to N . Well... N is someone I run into quite often. Every time, our interaction is restricted to smiles - a benign one from my side, and a shy one from his. This morning, N 's dad dropped in and gave me these chillies - sent by N from the patch that he has been cultivating near his home. I was quite touched, and glad! There are exactly eight chillies.... enough for more than a week! And, anyone who has used chillies can tell - these are 'export-quality'! I must confess here.... even though I have been managing a couple of chilli plants in our kitchen garden, I end up harvesting what remains after the crows and the bulbuls have had their party. I guess, N has whatever it takes to make a good farmer. Maybe, I should encourage him by giving him some of the vegetable seeds that I have .................... and, then, hope and pray that he gives me some of the results!!

We have not yet seen the end of the monsoon here. Even though it has been raining everyday, there is some sunshine between showers. After a break of nearly four months, it is time for me to get back to gardening. Every year, after the heavy rains, the garden looks haggard and unkempt because of the lack of attention. With every passing year, it has been getting more and more difficult to find someone to pull out the weeds and do the other menial tasks. This year, as I was mulling over some  probable candidates, I thought of N . Though he looks to be about 15, N is 18 years old. I know that because about 2-3 years ago, I saw his date of birth on his marks card. Class 10 results were out and N was refusing to go to school to check his results. Someone told his dad that these days, one could check them online and he came to me with the register number, requesting me to check N 's 'pass-fail'. Of course, I wasn't expecting great marks, but I didn't think N wou...

Traditionally, the rain that is counted as the first rain of the monsoon is the one that falls on the day of the Aardra Nakshatra. The nature of the rainfall during the span of the following couple of days serves as an indicator for the monsoon pattern. Very good rains during this period = heavy monsoon.... like the one this year. Of course, such rain-spells have no regard for man-made stuff like roads/ plantations! Well... we have not seen a clear, blue sky for more than two and a half months now.  'Pitter-patter  is the non-stop music/ cacophony that is being played. Everything is cold, wet and musty.  In short, I'm sick and tired of rains... Every time I begin to feel this way, I remind myself about some of the things I like during monsoon- things from my immediate surroundings that cheer me up and see me through these dull, drab days...... moments that happen only during the monsoon. Let me share a few of them with you....   I'll begin with someth...

Not so recently, some of us bore my uncle's tirade - meant for the editor of  "The H...", the newspaper maamaaji reads. Apparently, there's this regular column, wherein, readers are invited to contribute pics showing gaffes in signboards, etc. - especially the gaffes in angrezi . "Why laugh at some poor, illiterate signboard painter for his mistakes? If he was as educated as those people at the news office, he wouldn't be painting boards. And, it's not like the newspaper wallahs don't make mistakes at all.........."  - the gist of my maama 's speech. Of course, I didn't quite agree with him. I think, the laugh is more for the end result than at the poor painter. At that moment, I didn't say so because I was in no mood to start a discussion. However, after that incident, I think of my uncle whenever I see a gaffe in angrezi .... and that is very often! Recently, there was this pamphlet with our newspaper, announcing some sale i...

Guess what?? It takes only an umbrella to make one look like a fool!! Of course, not any umbrella.... it has to be this particular umbrella - the umbrella of my kid's kindergarten days. And, it's not like this umbrella always had such a lowly status....... You know, there's this school near home. Not so long ago, when the kid was about 2-3, one of her favourite routines was to wave out to the school-going kids - every morning & evening. Since she had learnt how to open the gate, I'd linger around, keeping an eye. Pretty soon, both of us knew all the kids who passed by, by their names! It was during the rainy season, when this routine continued, that the kid noticed - while we held big, black umbrellas, the school-goers held small, colourful ones. She wanted a colourful brolly, and, well, we decided to humour her. One of the greatest disadvantages of living in a small town is that, often, one has no choice but to buy what the shopkeeper has. And, I ...

My dad's sister was very young and unmarried when she became an aunt for the first time. To make things stylish and acceptable for her, we were asked to call her 'aunty' in angrezi instead of the usual atte. Calling one's real aunt 'aunty' is one thing, but, I don't know since when there has been this alarming trend of calling all married women 'aunty'! My first encounter with this trend dates back to lo..ng ago - to the only time when I worked in an 'office'.  I was new and the errand boy (a 40-50 yr old certified idiot!) came to me and said. 'Aunty.. if you want anything, just let me know. I'll get it for you'. The boss chided him - told him that since I was unmarried, he should be calling me 'maydam' and not 'aunty'. Thanks to that episode, I wasn't alarmed when people - sometimes, older than me - started calling me 'aunty'/ 'anti'! It is another story that the errand boy, Srinivas, ref...

These days, if you're living in Karnataka, it is very difficult to get away from politicians and their affection for chairs. In fact, all that fuss makes me very conscious of the fact that I have never had a favourite chair in all my donkey's years of existance! Of late, though, one chair has been getting a lot of my attention..... Last month, there was a night - long volleyball tournament, about half a kilometre from home. All that cheering and commentary ensured that I had a very disturbed sleep. So, the next time I passed by the ground I took a moment to glare at the hoarding with the pics of the organisers. Instead, I ended up gazing at the very attractive referee's chair! Back home, I took a closer look at the chair (this pic to be precise!) and decided that the green surroundings and the skeletal design are the chair's only plus points! With no arm rests, it looks like one has to sit uncomfortably straight! Of course, the referee who has to sit on it mus...

Ever since that dramatic day 6-7 months ago, when namma MP became namma Mukhya mantri , we knew it.... by-elections would be forced on us. And, today, we, the people of the Chikmagalur - Udupi Lok Sabha constituency had to choose our new representative. I have been unenthusiastic about this by-election right from the start. For one, I have not been able to tell the difference between having & not having a representative in the Lok Sabha! Secondly, those noises Mr.Y has been making about returning. Lastly, those noises didi has been making about mid-term polls. Mid- term or full term, our new representative doesn't have much time to prove himself. And, quite frankly, I'm tired of all the petty bickering and scams. I decided to skip the parties and vote for an independent candidate this time. My choice would be someone with a likeable symbol. Our representatives may be a little muddled up about their responsibilities, but, we, the dutiful citizens of the country aren...

The other day, on our way to Chikmaglur, we passed by this pond near a sleepy hamlet..... and, we saw something that we had never seen before! Monkeys, or any other animal in the wild for that matter, do not like human attention/ interference. When they are in a group, they are fearless and do not hesitate to show their dislike. Fearful of attack, I didn't dare to go closer than about 40 feet! That's why, in this pic, one can just about make out that these monkeys are eating some part of the lotus plant! As a term, 'lotus eater' is synonymous with 'pleasure seeker'. On the other hand, it is a well known fact that the entire lotus plant is edible in one form or the other - roots, stems, leaves, flowers & seeds!! I remember seeing lotus stem in brine on the shelves of some super markets. As food, roots, leaves, etc. are supposed to have several health benefits. Curiously, the seeds are supposed to be slightly narcotic. Whether they were having a ...

Whenever a farmer comes to my doorstep selling vegetables, I buy them. The other day, one of the regulars dropped in. This time, he had only ash gourds. Since my own ash gourd vine was looking good, I had to tell him that I didn't want any. He then expressed a desire to see the vine - to check out the variety, etc... Soon after seeing it, he told me that the vine would produce only one gourd and that I should be offering it to some temple instead of using it! Well! I hadn't heard this one before! Though nobody knew why, every single person advised me against using the ash gourd if it turned out to be the only yield from that vine. And, 'Give it to some temple' was the final line that everyone added! You know, as far as vegetables and beliefs go, the ash gourd is one that has many attached to it... each one of them, meaningless and without logic. My mother believed that a whole ash gourd should not be cut with a knife by people whose parents were alive. Fortunat...

You can classify travellers in these parts into two main categories, i) the indifferent local - born and brought up here, he takes his green surroundings for granted. ii) the city dweller aka the tourist traveller- for him, every step is a moment to be clicked and captured. And then, there is the 'in between i) & ii)' traveller like yours truly! As the number of years that I have lived here is inching closer to my number of years in big city, I'm neither indifferent to nature, nor do I gush over every other landscape. Take this scene for example .... The local traveller is speeding on his tractor. While the tourist traveller may have spent his few moments behind the tractor gaping at the unusual vehicle, I spent my few moments noticing the verse on the trailer! Hudugiya hinde hodre goLu Nanna hinde bandre dhooL Loosely translated, it means 'Follow a girl, woe. Follow me, dust' Flawed rhyming, wrong punctuation and o...

Twice, on Alter Idem , I have written about my dates with Kannada movies - here and here . Well! Music class is quite irregular now and the only silver lining is that I don't have to suffer jhalaks of Kannada movies. Today, the Kannada news channels were going on and on about the arrest of 'Sandalwood' actor 'Challenging star Darshan'- for abusing his wife of 7 years or so. The actor has been sent to jail - at least for the weekend and, in a strange way, I'm pleased! You'll understand me when I tell you why! On 4 occasions, I have suffered the same bits of the same 'Darshan movie'. No doubt, the 'bus fellows' switch on the movie at the same vantage point :/ On all 4 occasions, I sat down to a very heavy dose of violence as Darshan, playing the top cop of a small town takes on the local goons. Later, at home, he receives a call from his amma - she has chosen a bahu . With a 'your choice is my choice', cop cuts the call- to...

This hoarding adorns the compound wall of our Taluk Office, also known as 'Mini Vidhana Soudha'. It's a hoarding that cannot be missed. That pic, of course, was taken during the 'World Kannada meet' in Belgaum in March 2011. The hoarding tells us that - i)The meet was successful thanks to enthusiastic participation by lakhs of Kannadigas, ii) The meet was hailed by dignitaries from all over the world and, iii) The meet provided an opportunity to 1000s of national & international artistes to showcase their talents. As far as I know, Taluk offices are places for files & records of land surveys, births, deaths,.... why this particular hoarding HERE? Yaake? Yaake? Yaake? Poor Anil Kumble! Half hidden thanks to that handfan - like protrusion from Mr.Y's turban! Now, if he was seated next to Mr.Y...... he would have made the pc s in Kannada! But, would anybody bother to take a second look at the hoarding if AK/ some colleague of Mr.Y's was ...

Every year, every child I know here prays for heavy rains. And, on most years, the rain Gods answer the collective prayers! About 40-50% of the school kids here have to cross streams & travel through forests & plantations, to reach school. The chances of blocked roads due to fallen trees and flash floods in streams are very high during the peak monsoon. Fearing stranded children, the Block Education Office declares 2-3 days' holidays to schools whenever there is a non-stop, heavy downpour for 3-4 days....now you know why our children pray! Quite magically, the intensity of the rain decreases from Day 1 of the holidays ... God letting us know on whose side He is ! As it is, in these parts, monsoon is non-stop, steady rain for 100+ days. Some of my friends, in their 80s, tell me that the monsoon now is nothing compared to the monsoon of their youth! They mean that back then, the rains were heavier and lasted for about 150 days! The rains may not be the same, bu...